I would like someone to secure for me a wife for the purpose of bearing and raising my children and keeping my house.
These are the qualifications:
- Optimum child-bearing age, from 16 to 25. Any marriageable minor shall have the consent of her father, with whom I will deal exclusively and to whom I will pay an amount for his consideration.
- Christian cultural background. (No holy rollers. At no time will I ever set foot in a Christian church, as most are standing affronts to the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth.)
- Physically attractive and of moderate to high intelligence.
- Northern, Western, Central, or Eastern European stock.
- Not previously married, and no children.
- Non-United States citizen preferred.
- At least a rudimentary knowledge of the English language.
Aside from participating in our children's conception, I will not necessarily want too many more carnal dealings with her.
Attempts at conception will begin upon public engagement. Should conception not prove fruitful, no marriage will occur.
I will honor my wife and provide her with emotional and material comfort to her final days.
I will, to the greatest extent practicable, defer to her judgment within her sphere, but I retain final authority over my family.
There shall be no divorce.
I know this all seems a bit old-fashioned. This is in no way sexist or objectifying, as there are many women in this world who would regard such a bargain as perfectly equitable.