I was walking down the road the other day --head down, as I normally do, what with the ice and all-- and I happened to look up just in time to see an acquaintance's car as it approached. I smiled and went to raise my hand in greeting, but he jerked his head the other way real fast and craned his necked as if to spy something on the other side of the road.
I want you to research the possibility of bringing civil suit against the State of Vermont and/or the Vermont State Police. The entire operation is a global laughingstock. I've never been to law enforcement school, but I'm guessing that immediately informing the townspeople of an investigation is not at the top of the to-do list.
See, an investigation by itself means nothing. They're a dime-a-dozen. That's why I do not concern myself with them.
...But the townspeople are not going to understand these things. They think that when the feds come to town --you know, the jurisdiction that flies planes into buildings and all-- that it means something.
Please put together at least one, preferably two, civil suits against the State for ruining my reputation in this town through their abject incompetence. Fire off one suit and keep the other in the pipe for later deployment.
Swing for the fence. I don't know how much you can get out of it. And here's the thing: Keep 75% of any awarded damages for yourselves. That's your partial payday for any ongoing legal work. Donate the remaining 25% to Southeastern Vermont Community Action. It's a charity that buys fuel oil for indigent families and provides new school clothes for kids or whatever. They've been around for decades. They're a good charity.
Set aside one or two hundred grand out of the damages for the purpose of buying me a small cabin on a lake in Northern New Hampshire. It's where Ethan Allen lives.
Get started, please. It's payday. Stick the knife in and start carving.
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At no time shall my name ever be associated with Vermont. Our relationship is terminated.
