Here's my horoscope for this month from In Touch Weekly, which I buy at the Rite Aid each week. (I like to keep up with the stars.)
You're all about romance now, and things are about to get hot with a certain someone you can't stop thinking about.
When I arrive in New York, I would like any escort to give me a proper introduction to the city. I want to see the sights and learn the best places to go. (There was some little place in the West Village, some little eatery with a couple of tables out front on the sidewalk, a little place that had the ABSOLUTE best wings I have ever come across. And they had a nice selection of beers. I would like to find it again.)
And I need a proper haircut. I used to get it done at the Chelsea Hotel or the Hotel Chelsea or whatever it's called. I think it was on the ninth floor. I've been growing my hair long(ish) again, and I might like it to stay long.
In return, I will show you around Vermont and teach you how to run a wood stove in a cabin by the lake. I will explain to you the working principles of the outhouse. (Simple, really. It pretty much just involves sitting and shivering.)
So who wants to be my Special Attache? Who wants to ride around in my fat new caddy? (As soon as I'm loaded, that is?)