Christopher King

Welcome to my stand-up comedy show.

What follow are to be considered transcriptions of spoken word pieces that I would have delivered in a physical theater. You will also find video and audio pieces here.

This show has been roughed out years in advance, and material delivered as its time approached. There is an arc to this show. For that reason, posts --that is, pieces-- should be read in order, from older to newer. So if you've been absent for a bit, scroll all the way down and read upward.

Please remember that this is not a free show. This is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian who bet the farm on making this a going concern. Just because it is possible to steal my property does not mean that you may. If you go to the farmer's market and the man is away from his table, you are nonetheless obligated to put your money into the shoebox labeled "Put money here." My personal friends are exempted from buying their tickets, as well as those who may not be able to afford to buy a ticket. Everyone else is morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket if they partake of even, say, a dozen pieces of mine per year. Duck outside my theater for a cigarette as often as you like, but you didn't get in here in the first place without buying your ticket at the box office. The cost is $100 per person, per year. There is no law enforcement discount. There is no news media discount. No one gets a discount, unless you honestly don't have the money. (And to my law enforcement patrons: Even in Lenny Bruce's day, cops had to buy their tickets before they could get into his theater to jot their notes. Jot away, but if you are not here to arrest me or to shut the place down, then you are here covertly. If that is the case, then you are passing as ordinary patrons. If that is the case --and it is-- then you buy your tickets just like regular customers.)

Thank you for coming.

--Chris

"I'm Quincy with dick jokes."

Plausible deniability.

There is water in the basement.

croatoan

.

http://thelibertyguardian.com/2010/04/man-arrested-at-large-hadron-collider-claims-hes-from-the-future/

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Senatorb Baldy

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2010-10-07-15-30-41conv.mp3

Summons

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2010-10-07-13-29-58conv.mp3

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Summons

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Christopher King Presents

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Christopher King Presents

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And with that, this asinine undertaking is over.

I will now smash my computers, which is the only way I've found that I can stop.

I will never speak to you again.

I'm done.

I've been trying to pull that pin for six years now.

Nothing has worked. You have been resistant. And now it's too late.

I no longer concern myself with the proper construction of a show because all is lost now. Very little you can do will alter future events.

The best I can hope to do at this point is to warn you. I need you to understand that your future resembles the inside of hell itself.

This is your future:

 

The Raw Story | US to issue travel warning to Americans in Europe: report

Citing a senior US intelligence official, Fox said the announcement would be made as early as Sunday, and would warn Americans to avoid European tourist attractions and transportation hubs.

The State Department refused to confirm or deny the report, but a US government official told AFP it would take "further actions as appropriate."

"We have been and continue to be focused on Al-Qaeda's interest in attacking us, our allies and our interests. We will spare no effort to thwart terrorists' plans, and will take further actions as appropriate," the official said.

via rawstory.com

Why would you follow a United States law? You'd have to be brain dead to listen to some idiot overpaid civil servant over at United States as he waves his hands about imaginary creatures. Do people honestly not know that Al Qaeda IS the CIA? It's the mask they wear as they throw bombs for the purpose of exerting pressure on that bottom-most stratum of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

This nation is a madhouse, caught in some kind of self-reinforcing feedback loop of cognitive impairment. You can put the thought right out of your head of ever again leading the world in patents or scientific innovation or architecture or music. Americans are simply too stupid.

You have dismantled lawful government. Now all those guys with guns and sensible Ford Focuses and fax machines and wiretapping equipment belong to a band of criminals, unaccountable to any legal mechanisms.

For your intellectual laziness and your cowardice, you will now experience tyranny. Do you know what that is? You're about to find out.

Your society will now consume itself.

Economic Shock Therapy for Wall Street: Mortgage Lenders could soon be falling like Dominos

On October 1, Bank of America announced that it was delaying foreclosures in 23 states. 

The same day, Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal took the radical step of putting a  halt to all foreclosures from all banks in his state.

A Box Even Houdini Couldn’t Escape?

All of this is a major headache for the banks, but according to the New York Times, “The companies say they are reviewing their procedures to take care of any violations.”  They seem to think they can correct the problem by redoing some paperwork.  But if the holdings in recent court decisions are upheld, it will not be just a question of hiring extra staff to clean up some files.  For all those mortgages filed in the name of MERS, say these courts, the chain of title has been irretrievably broken.  Humpty Dumpty has had a great fall and cannot be put together again. 

MERS is simply an electronic data base.  On its website and in assorted court pleadings, it declares that it owns nothing.  It was set up that way intentionally so that it would be “bankruptcy-remote,” something required by the credit rating agencies in order to turn the mortgages passing through it into highly rated securities that could be sold to investors.  MERS not only has no assets; it has no employees.  The thousands of people enlisted to sign affidavits on its behalf are merely conduits.  The arrangement satisfied the ratings agencies, but it has not satisfied the courts.  Increasingly, judges are holding that if MERS owns nothing, it cannot foreclose, and it cannot convey title by assignment so that the trustee for the investors can foreclose.  MERS breaks the chain of title so that no one has standing to foreclose.  The homes are effectively owned free and clear. 

via www.globalresearch.ca

Employers face equality law nightmare as Coalition pushes ahead with Harriet Harman's Act | Mail Online

Draconian new equality laws could spell the end of the office joke.

Ministers yesterday announced that the vast bulk of Labour’s controversial Equality Act would be implemented immediately, despite concerns about its impact on business and office life.

The legislation, championed by Labour’s deputy leader Harriet Harman, introduces a bewildering range of rights which allow staff to sue for almost any perceived offence they receive in the workplace.

Equal measures: Home Secretary Theresa May has pushed ahead with 90 per cent of the Equality Act championed by Labour deputy leader Harriet Harman

It creates the controversial legal concept of ‘third party harassment’, under which workers will be able to sue over jokes and banter they find offensive – even if the comments are aimed at someone else and they weren’t there at the time the comments were made.

They can sue if they feel the comments ‘violate their dignity’ or create an ‘intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment’.

A one-off incident is enough to sue – there is no need for the ‘victim’ to have warned the perpetrator that their comments are unwelcome.

They could even have a case against their employer if a customer or contractor says something they find offensive.

One critic suggested employers could have to outlaw office banter to prevent offending anyone.

via www.dailymail.co.uk

That nation is doomed.

This is the future:

"Purchasing, Accounting here. Begin transmit interrogatory regarding purchase order five-niner-zero--"

"Oh, hey, Jim! Nice to hear from you! Did you hear about Joe's--"

"--Cease extraneous communications immediately. Lawsuit threat level has been detected. Initiate compensatory logging of incident."

GI’s Brains Fried by Military Dispensed Nose Candy : Veterans Today

(San Francisco) – Now it is official. Researchers have shown that uranium oxide, or DU, “travels the nerves from the nose to the brain,” in the words of a University of Chicago doc and researcher.

James Blake Miller Los Angeles Times photo by Luis Sinco

A tiny amount (a milligram) of this radioactive poison quick marches up your smelling nerves right into your brain and keeps firing 1.2 Million bullets a day – forever. That’s a bunch.

850 Rounds a Minute

The radioactive 850 rounds a minute automatic weapon is about as big as the period at the end of this sentence, never needs reloading and never jams. It’s a perfect killing machine for brain cells and other cells. The range is about 20 cells, after that there is what the famous British physicist Dr. Chris Busby calls the “bystander effect.” He discovered it, he gets to name it.

via www.veteranstoday.com

Ain't war grand?

These geniuses at the gas station stand there every morning and propound upon events of the day and have them solved by nine. They've decided that war is good and that we have to go get the terriss before they come for us. (Never mind that the nation doesn't have two nickels to rub together and that their sons are now hobbling around on fake legs and can't hold down a job.)

What they don't know is that clouds of depleted uranium have circled the globe and deposited radioactive particles right into their coffee cups and into their DNA.

Me want war.

Humans are apes with cell phones and bioweapons. Don't pat yourselves on the back for your successes.

Local news stations training psychological ops soldiers: report | Raw Story

Two CBS affiliates have been helping train US Army psychological operations soldiers, says an investigative report at Yahoo! News.

According to documents obtained by John Cook through a freedom of information request, WRAL in Raleigh, North Carolina, and WTOC in Savannah, Georgia, have both hosted psyops soldiers as part of the Army's Training With Industry program.

via www.rawstory.com

I guarantee you that those affiliates got paid.

Like I said, the American "news" industry doesn't actually do news. They're involved in reality creation, realities in which certain courses of action seem reasonable, like launching fake wars.

"Mommy, why are we poisoning the biosphere with depleted uranium and raping children in gulag hellholes and murdering people?"

"That's easy, Timmy! It's because of the terriss! They're everywhere! See? You can't pick up a paper or turn on the news without seeing that evil, evil man-agent of the CIA, Tim Os-- er, I mean, Osama bin Laden! He and his nefarious henchmen have to take the fall for that 7-series compressor on Murray Street, so that's why the Army needs to know how much it costs for that nothing industry to prostitute itself!"

CIA Escalates Campaign in Pakistan - WSJ.com

WASHINGTON—The U.S. military is secretly diverting aerial drones and weaponry from the Afghan battlefront to significantly expand the CIA's campaign against militants in their Pakistani havens.

The shift in strategic focus reflects the U.S. view that, with Pakistan's military unable or unwilling to do the job, more U.S. force against terrorist sanctuaries in Pakistan is now needed to turn around the struggling Afghan war effort across the border.

In recent months, the military has loaned Predator and Reaper drones to the Central Intelligence Agency to give the agency more firepower to target and bombard militants on the Afghan border.

The additional drones helped the CIA escalate the number of strikes in Pakistan in September. The agency averaged five strikes a week in September, up from an average of two to three per week. The Pentagon and CIA have ramped up their purchases of drones, but they aren't being built fast enough to meet the rapid rise in demand.

via online.wsj.com

I was unaware that the CIA had the authority to declare war on behalf of the United States Congress.

Do you see the con yet? The CIA is the enforcement arm for bankers. In order for the CIA to launch drone attacks, they need to be able to point to an enemy that meets the legal definition described on whatever piece of paper. This is the "Long War" or the "War on Terror." It is a nebulous war of indeterminate length, waged in pursuit of enemies of no particular national origin. (That's the beauty of it. The enemy is who you need it to be now, in whatever territory you need to lob some missiles. That's why they keep talking about "white Al Qaeda" or "domestic extremiss." The CIA can't wait to begin lobbing missiles in the United States against their political adversaries.)

The CIA makes its own terriss, just like Osama bin Laden, a known CIA asset by the name of Tim Osman.

So the CIA gets to throw bombs and overthrow the United States government and rope the decent taxpayers of America into funding its endless wars --wars being, of course, just politics by other means.

And they have their Operation Mockingbird assets in the "news" media pollute everyone's minds with their filth about terriss.

Your nation no longer exists because of the CIA. If you're smart, you will shut it down and arrest, try, and execute its principals.

The CIA is (was) your shadow government.

This is a good deal on solar panels.

I've had this model before. They're nice. $77 per unit is a very good deal.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/NEW-15-WATT-ADD-ON-SOLAR-PANEL-W-O-CHARGE-CONTROLLER_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQ_trkparmsZalgoQ3dLVIQ26ituQ3dUCIQ26otnQ3d2Q26poQ3dLVIQ26psQ3d63Q26clkidQ3d5274144127660309777QQ_trksidZp3286Q2em7QQcategoryZ50069QQitemZ120582060664

And you will need a charge controller to prevent the overcharging of your batteries. This one here will handle ten panels, for a maximum of 10 amps of charge current:

http://cgi.ebay.com/SUNSEI-SOLAR-CHARGE-CONTROLLER-ICP-11100-CC10000-/110588016286?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item19bf8f369e

So, for example, if you had a camp in the woods, I would buy five or six or ten panels and a charge controller. And I would buy three or so marine deep-cycle batteries and wire them up in parallel. (Ask a technically minded friend if you don't know what that means. You essentially are using multiple 12-volt batteries to make one large-capacity 12-volt battery. And the charging and the draining of the batteries occurs evenly across all batteries.)

So if you have a camp and if you want to be prepared for the Great American Zombie Wars, get yourself some of these panels.

When you are a terrorist like me, you know how to do these things, because these skills are necessary to doing terrorism properly.

 

 

The Dark Knight

 

Rouse begins as chief of staff.

The Pete Rouse era began shortly before noon on Friday. And quickly, the White House started feeling the difference.

Rouse, ushered in as interim White House chief of staff by Obama in the East Room, called his first senior staff meeting for that afternoon - and scheduled it to last just 10 minutes. It is typical Rouse, advisers said: swift and to the point, without leaving room for people to show off or hold endless debates.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/01/AR2010100104510.html?hpid=artslot

"Okay, first things first. I'd like to thank you all for bringing me on board. We'll see if we can get this flaming wreck of an administration out of the ditch that Axelrod and Emanuel drove it into. Lessee... ...Okay: Step one: Someone run over to Kinkos and see if we can't come up with a better forgery. Try to leave the Photoshop file footprints out of it for once, okay? And we can't have those smelly ol' birthers pointing out the obvious fact that the seal doesn't actually say anything. It's a dead giveaway. ...Hmm, what else... ...Oh: I advise that you get off King's ticket receipts. This isn't playing very well for you people. Listen closely as I spell it out for you: HE. IS. IN. THE. RIGHT. YOU. ARE. IN. THE. WRONG. Ipso facto, his audience will be on his side, not ours. And since his audience is our audience, that means that you have delivered our own audience to him. Stop doing that. It's almost like you people don't know the first thing about how things play in politics. The best you can hope for now is to appear to be gracious losers. Do try at least to win that small victory, okay?"